Trying to do something, & not succeeding...

1.10.2010

There are some days like today. When there is a strange feeling. I can’t quite place my finger on it. You see there are things that I know that need to get done. But I just can’t seem to do them. I stare at the room. I watch TV. I may open the refrigerator door half a dozen times, and not even know why. It seems like there’s some restless spirit that doesn’t know what the hell it’s doing moving my limbs, looking through my eyes, possessing my thoughts, and not allowing whatever it is at least be done, to be done.

You need to make a video.

I need to call and secure a location just for the body painting practice.

I need to do my laundry.

And if you do anything but what I’m doing.

And yet as soon as I make that definitive statement in my head something sinister and automatic takes over. Right now the only thing I know how to do is say this out loud. That means using dictation to make this, because I can’t even order my fingers to type. I’ve had a good day and a good week so I don’t really know what’s wrong. Maybe there’s nothing wrong. Maybe because I did too much over the weekend I’m supposed to rest today. The bills don’t rest, the banks don’t rest, and corporations earning money means more than human life, especially mine.

Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t think my life is worthy. Let’s face it. Collectively our values are screwed up. We are trapped and we don’t know how to change it. If we did we would. Those of us who hate our jobs, would do jobs we love. Uncertainty would bring us joy not pain.  It is not that the religious are bad, but that they need the absolutism to suppress the fear, which causes them to harm others in ways they would not normally act, if they weren’t so afraid. To be a good Muslim would mean that they would love and embrace their gay son. To be a good Christian one would rejoice in their child becoming an atheist. To be a good citizen, would no longer mean rejoicing in the downfall of one team versus another, because all human beings would be citizens of the earth. I really have no idea where I’m going with all this. I just know that there are some days like today, where I get overwhelmed and pieces like this get written.

I just have to get it out, so I can function again. I love you.

Namaste’

Mythica